You suck more than we do

If there is one activity through which Toronto and Montreal's rivalry most frequently and fervently appears, it must be hockey. Or to give it its proper name, Ice Hockey. So ... do the cities' teams exhibit the characteristics that mirror their real differences?

When I arrived in Canada this month five years ago, the Montreal Expos baseball team had just played their final game, ever. And then the NHL lockout of 2004-'05 kicked off. In that season, not one game was played, because players and team owners were bargaining over salary structures. It felt like a sporting Armageddon in Montreal.


Consequently, right from the start, I'll have to admit that my attitude toward hockey was spoilt. Ex-pat friends of mine who arrived in that same year seem to have picked up the same scepticism, whereas those who arrived before or after, generally like watching the NHL.

That's not to say I have not tried to join in the fun. I've gone to countless bars to watch countless games. I've been to see the Montreal Canadiens (aka The Habs) live. I'm definitely not gonna piss on anyone's bonfire. And I might as well join in the fun.

But over the last year or two, in particular, I just found myself actively disliking the Habs. Why? Well I wasn't really sure. There just seemed to be an irrational fanaticism in the city. A sense of self righteousness and entitlement, along with a schizophrenic set of supporters.

I can't understand how fans can boo their own team. When your team is losing, that's when you prove your worth as a fan. But in Montreal - more often than elsewhere - the players are subject to terrible abuse, from their own fans. This can come just a few games before or after they are being hailed as a "team in waiting" for the Stanley Cup.

In other words, in Montreal the Habs are regarded as the best team in the world or the worst. There's no middle ground for rational analysis.

Of course, Montreal has won more Stanley Cups than any team. The last one back in 1993. They are, perhaps, to hockey what Liverpool is to English soccer.

And if the Habs = Liverpool, then the Toronto Maple Leafs must be Newcastle United. A rich club, that staggers from one disaster to another, whose legion of fans will turn up regardless. The Leafs last won the cup in 1967. A very long time ago, and Montrealers won't let them forget it.

I watched the season opener at my friends' place last week. Montreal beat Toronto 4-3 in overtime. Montreal have now won two out of two this season, and you can be sure that with a mere 80 games left in the regular season, people are already getting carried away.

Here in Toronto, there are more realistic expectations. People here know they suck and they'll be the first to joke about it.

That's the big difference. Leafs fans generally have a sense of humour Habs fans generally do not.

Two years ago, Montreal got past round 1 of the play-offs, to reach the last eight. Fans rioted with delight in the street, burning police cars. Toronto haven't gotten that far since 2003-'04. The next time they do, there'll probably be much misty-eyed drunken hugs in bars around town, but burning police cars? I don't think so.

I'm not for one moment suggesting that residents of the two cities are fundamentally different in this way. These differences are mainly a product of the clubs' histories. I just find it interesting, that's all.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not going to start becoming a Leafs fan either. Well, not anytime soon.

Welcome to Canada, twinned with Australia since 1901

It's a comparison I wasn't the first to make. But I'll try to expand on it. Canada and Australia have some remarkable parallels.

I was reminded of the idea on Friday night. Friends (and former neighbours) from Mtl were visiting TO for the weekend. An Aussie with his Canadian missus. She was doing the half marathon today, but bravely ventured out with us, late on Friday night.

We went out to a pub to watch the Australian Rules Football Grand Final (Australia's Superbowl. I can't compare it to the Grey Cup). It aired live at 12:30am and went on for three hours. Luckily it was quite a match. Geelong beat the hapless St. Kilda in the dying minutes.

At one point the Canadian lass (hey TC) asked her Aussie "What's Geelong like?" He said it's like Hamilton. I ventured that it's probably more like Windsor, cos Geelong is where a lot of cars are built in Oz. It's a fairly loose link, but it reminded me that you could just about twin-up most major cities in the two countries.

There are the small purpose-built capitals, placed about halfway between the two major cities. One of those being the historical hub of commerce, with its more chilled-out vibe. The other being the new, bigger, brasher centre of everything.

You have a major city lying far away on the west coast. You also have the young, confident and booming city - home to the country's successful low cost airline. Don't forget the smaller maritime port city on the southeastern island, also the town that really only exists for mining, along with the city "in the middle" with its significant aboriginal population.

Etc.

Apart from the twin cities, the two vast commonwealth countries have very harsh climates and huge tracts of wilderness. There's the sad history of how aboriginal peoples were treated, along with their current problems of alienation from the strange hassles of modern city life.

The Queen on the dollars. Dollars that are usually worth about the same.

Looking up to the US. Looking forward to Asia. Looking back to the UK.

Can you think of other parallels? Do post.

And feel free to disagree with my twin cities, eh.

Centre of the Universe

For anyone reading this who has not been to Canada, the joke here is that Toronto is known as "The Centre of the Universe". Simply because folks in the rest of Canada think Torontonians think the world - nay the Universe - revolves around them.

Same idea applies to Dublin, London, Paris, Sydney, you name it.



Well, the thing is, the Canadian world sorta does revolve around TO. One sixth of the population of Canada lives in The GTA (Greater Toronto Area). If stuff happens it usually happens in TO.

That takes me to one of the best things I can see about living in Toronto. There are so many passers by.

Since I arrived here in May, I have had so many more visitors than I would have had in Mtl. People just happen to be in Toronto for a variety of reasons. It's the centre of business and a major transit hub.

In the next five days I will host two friends who will be here on business and two more here to visit. Today I got an email that a friend will be in North America in November and will try to stop in Toronto for the weekend. A few more may come in October.

Thankfully, I had numerous such visits over the summer too.

The same theory applies to big events. Of course, Montreal is an exceptional city for festivals, but if an English speaking music artist is touring Canada, they sometimes skip Mtl. It's just a matter of economics. (Of course, my favourite band these days, and for the past two years has been Coldplay. I didn't go see them in TO or Mtl. So I've no right to whine. I love how uncool it is to like Coldplay. It suits me.)

Having said all that, please don't let up. Keep visiting. There's a futon here for you; snug and cosy, at the centre of the universe.

Mean Streets

Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been two months since my last blog. Good reason. I am pretty much stuck in the glue of stage 2. Nothing much to say really.

My dysfunctional work hours have made life pretty boring. I get up around 9am, go for a run, go to work for 11:15, come home, eat and go to bed. Don't get me wrong, the job is great, and I'm genuinely lucky to have it. The rest will come.

And I normally rely on "the rest" coming from taking part in team sports. But this has not been possible when working until 7:30pm. I'll be doing this shift for a little while longer, at least. After that who knows. I hope it's more conventional, but we shall see. I'll be happy to have a job at all.

Anyway, enough of me. I'm making myself sleepy just talking about my "social life". This week has seen a pretty insane and tragic clash between a motorist and a cyclist in Toronto. It has made me consider why Toronto is in some ways much more dangerous than Montreal for cyclists, but in another way, much safer.

Why it's more dangerous:
1) The big, clunky, old-fashioned streetcars - which remind me of the antique trams in Adelaide (see picture), in Australia - leave very little room for bikes on the street. And their tracks make riding on main routes treacherous. I witnessed a biker get stuck in a track and opening her head on the road. Not pleasant.
I needed to find a new, intricate bike route to work to avoid the tracks as much as possible.

2) There are almost no bike paths. The very few paths that do exist are just painted lanes with no separators. All you need is a car door to open into the lane and you're in the ER.

Why it's safer:
1) Drivers are more courteous. Despite the terrible story this week (I even got a text to make sure it wasn't me), drivers are much more considerate of bikes here on Toronto. There is less aggression and more of a community spirit on the road.

2) Pedestrians pay more attention here. It's for the same reason as the drivers. I'm not saying it's a harmonious commuter wonderland here, but it's just less stressful than Montreal. I thank fellow road users every day for letting me pass or moving aside, etc. And guess what, I therefore return the favour.

So, like everything, nowhere is perfect. Who knows what really happened this week on Bloor Street, but it was most probably the coming together of some very sad factors, in the same place at the same time.

Let's hope it leads to a further improvement in understanding between cyclists, motorists and pedestrians downtown. There's always room for that.

Oh, and that route I take to work, to avoid the tram tracks on King Street and Queen Street? Adelaide Street, of course.

O Ntario!

Technically, last week was my fifth Canada Day in Canada. Practically, it was my first.

Before this summer I was living in Quebec, where celebrating Canada Day is akin to celebrating Gay Pride Week in the 1950s. Everyone knows it goes on, but as long as the minority keep it to themselves, they need not worry.

So this year, for C-Day, I am in Ontario; the most Canadian of provinces. By that I mean it really is the essence of Canada's international image and modern identity. And more importantly, Ontario doesn't really have its own identity in the same way the other provinces do.

Here are the provincial stereotypes:
B.C. = Granola-eating, liberal, pot-smoking, hikers and snowboarders.
Alberta = Texas with snow.
Sask. and Man. = Nice folk watching Corner Gas, farmers with an aversion to hills, wheat.
Quebec = French and stuff.
Four maritime provinces = Beer, sea, fish, various accents. Unemployed, or in Fort McMurray.
Ontario = Erm? People in cars commuting to and from Toronto?

I have been to eight of the ten provinces (none of the three territories yet), and nowhere will you see the 44-year-old Maple Leaf Flag as much as in Ontario. Elsewhere, the provincial or local identity runs in tandem with, or usurps, the national identity. Not here. In Ontario, Canada is king.

I had to go to work on Canada Day. One of the video editors was dressed from head-to-toe in red maple leaves*. He even had a pair of those Kanye West shutter shades with maple leaves on the lenses. Good for him. Loud 'n' proud.

After work I headed across the street to the Rogers Centre, to see the Toronto Blue Jays play Tampa Bay (baseball). The "Jays", who normally wear white, grey, black or blue, had special red shirts for Canada Day. OK - nice touch.

We were treated to the Canadian anthem before and after the game. The performers really made a meal of it, to the point of it being disrespectful actually. Like in the "Dancin' Homer" Simpsons episode. But I was amused by hearing the full English version for the first time, rather than the French-English verison one hears in Quebec. Not very federalist, but whatever.

Then there was a nice video after one of the innings, looking back to the Jays' "back2back" World Series titles in 1992 and 1993. Some former players, were interviewed, sitting on bar stools, in the diamond. They chatted about how they were "Canada's team," and how everyone in Canada wanted them to win. Stop.

You see, this is part of the reason that the rest of Canada often dislikes Toronto so much. Torontonians and Ontarians get their own identity mixed up with that of Canada. Now, I'm sure that once the Jays reached the World Series final, most people in Canada were shouting for them. They would be the first, and only, non-U.S. team to win it, thereby making the title "World Series" somewhat apt. But the Jays were not "Canada's team".

Canada's first MLB team was the Montreal Expos, founded in 1969, eight years before the Jays were hatched. Sadly, the Expos moved south to D.C. in 2005, and that means the Expos still have a longer history than the Jays. And even now, with the Jays as the only MLB team in Canada, it would still be wrong to call them "Canada's team". Toronto F.C. soccer team is the only Major League Soccer team in Canada, for the moment, but despite the maple leaf on their logo, soccer fans in Vancouver and Montreal will tell you that they are not "Canada's team" either.

So in order to be better tolerated by the rest of Canada, Ontario should discover its own identity, and be proud of that too. It could also seriously use a new flag to achieve this. The old British ensign is something that almost nobody here identifies with. Even a white flag with a Tim Horton's donut would be more representative.

----
*Interesting note: The plural of "leaf" is indeed "leaves". "Leafs" is only correct when referring to players from the Toronto NHL team.

Dirty old Tim's

When I was a kid, the dad of one of my friends worked for an aircraft leasing company. He travelled the world, leasing large aircraft to airlines. In 1980s Ireland that was terribly, terribly glamorous. I suppose it still is.

One day I went down the street to their house and was presented with one of those tiny 150ml Coke cans, served with a paper cup with little fold-out handles. I don't know what I found more intriguing, the little can or the paper cup.

I had never seen either variant before. I was told that they came from a plane. Wow, a plane. (I didn't fly in a plane 'til I was seven, and after that until I was 16. So they always held a fascination for me. I imagine it led to my decision to study the design of the things for my undergrad).

So anyway, this can and cup were so cool and exotic. In those days I don't remember disposable cups ever being used for anything other than kids' birthday parties. But it left me wondering why I wasn't given a real glass with my Coke. The little handles on the paper cup cut into your fingers, but unless you used them, the cup would be too hot to hold for tea or coffee. On top of that, you had to throw it away after use, cos it got soggy. Stupid. Gimme a regular cup.

Toronto goes through one million paper cups every day, and according to the city's public works committee, every one of them still goes into landfill sites. That is until last week. The public workers strike has already seen trash pile up all over the city. It's pretty unsightly and whenever the weather warms up again, it's set to become very smelly too.

This may be a good thing. Yea, you know where I'm going with this. Events like these make us realize the sheer volume of waste we produce every day. I can't even picture a million cups (and their plastic lids), but this week I have tried to. I'm pretty sure it's a big pile. So I went out and bought one of those travel mugs to accompany me to work every morning. I'm not sure how environmentally harmful this metal cup was to make, but if I keep it long enough, it should be a better choice, I think. In any case, making my own coffee saves a few shekels too.

Only in the past few decades have we seen it as normal to use, and immediately dispose of, so much crap every day. In his travels across America, Bill Bryson noted how the Dodge Caravan has seven seats, but 17 cup holders. That's 2.43 cups per person. Our parents' generation didn't even contemplate drinking coffee or a 60 oz. Slurpee while driving. Today, it seems as though a beverage must always be on hand to relieve boredom. We don't need to be constantly consuming and when we do, we don't need to be making such a mess.

So let's hope that the ever-growing mess in Toronto helps us to wake up and smell the festering coffee cups.

You talkin' to me?

There is probably one stand-out aspect of Toronto public life I have noticed over the past few weeks. There are just so many overtly mentally ill people wandering the streets. Most don't appear to be homeless or anything like that. But they are very obviously ill, because they talk to themselves.

There could be any number of reasons why I have noticed so many people talking to themselves in Toronto. For one, it could be that fewer mentally ill people are permanently institutionalized here. Or it could be that there is a higher level of mental illness in this city.

But my theory is that talking to yourself is more acceptable here; meaning that many of these folks are not that ill at all. It's almost a contagious behaviour. If you see it everywhere, and you feel like doing it, then why not?

Similar, perhaps, to littering. Swiss people don't see it, so they don't do it. And if a Swiss person did do it, everyone else would think they were crazy or sub-human. In countries like Ireland, littering is de rigueur, so few people bat an eyelid at it.

I do find it quite sad and disturbing to so often see these one-way conversations - an outward symptom of a very sad internal disease. And for some reason when people talk to themselves on a streetcar or subway car, it immediately makes me angry. That's an unfair reaction on my part - one that I obviously don't articulate. But I think I'm not alone in my reaction.

And I would guess that talking to yourself is not an easy cycle to break. The more you talk out loud about conspiracy theories on the King Street #504, the more people will avoid and isolate you. So you'll just keep talking to your only friend; yourself.

So maybe my reaction is compounded by my current new-life situation. Maybe there's a seed of a fear that I won't hit the ground running here and that I'll end up like that one day.

Nah. That's just nuts.